This post comes at a time when I’m about to pull my hair out from sheer stupidity amongst females. Now, not saying all females are stupid, as I’m one of them. However, what in God’s name are you ladies thinking sometimes?
Allow myself to step on some toes here, I’m not calling out the entire gender to speak against us, but I’m calling out the decisions, mistakes, and irresponsible acts I keep catching women make.
Ladies, we are not all born equal but we are all born with a mind of our own. To each unique woman, we are the only ones in control of ourselves and who we choose to open our minds and hearts to. Choosing (as in making a choice with that mind of yours) to open yourselves up to those who are undeserving needs to be recognized immediately. I’ve been there, yes, I’ve been to the land of bad boys, assholes, and tortured artists/musicians that are just “really focused on the art right now.” While casually sleeping around and telling every other girl that. TOTALLY BEEN THERE.
I used to be so fierce on the idea of marriage I had no desire to ever be a part of it. I had all these ideals of what a real relationship was, but I never actually had seen one in work myself. That was until I found myself in what appears to be a very well functioning relationship, so coming from the bad there was good. I am not a relationship expert, I don’t claim to be, yet I find myself shelling out advice lately left and right. It should be noted, that depending on what stage of life you’re in, this advice may not be the most helpful, but let’s consider this advice for the girl or woman who is unsure of her own standing with a male counterpart. Regardless of the relationship stage, understand these few key points I’m about to make.
– STOP HANGING ON TO HIS EVERY WORD –
No guy, no matter the exception, has ever finished reading your text or listened to you speak and truly digested every syllable. They don’t. We do. Just because he mentioned last week that he likes blue on you, does not mean that the following week you’re getting showered with compliments because of that blue sweater. It also applies to more serious subjects. If your casual hook up tells you after a night of fun between the sheets that he’ll “never ignore you” because “he really cares about you as a person” and then stops all contact the following morning, DON’T MULL OVER THESE WORDS. It has come more apparent than ever that women cannot help but pick apart each letter and ask themselves if he “really meant it” if it was “real”. If you have to question the depth in which your relationship lies, because he hasn’t spoken to you in two days, I can guarantee he isn’t thinking about the same damn thing. Not to mention, if you have to seriously question if it was “real”, let me answer that, it wasn’t. Wracking your brain over sentences does nothing but add to the crazy, and hush over-eager feminists, we’re all a little crazy.
– IF HE WANTS TO BE WITH YOU, HE’LL BE WITH YOU –
Okay, so this may seem a bit redundant on the wording but it’s fact. Enough with the jealousy and skepticism ladies. If your man has not given you a reason to distrust him, stop going through his phone and trying to figure out his email password. Don’t question the girls he has as friends on Facebook or how close he is with the girl from work. Creating, more or less fantasizing, that you’re on an episode of Cheaters is insanity. If this guy is quick on the response, answers phone calls, doesn’t blow you off, invites you to family events, nights out with friends, and let’s you in, it is likely he IS NOT cheating on you. Normal people don’t feel the need to hide their lives with the ones they are actively choosing to share said life with. On the flip side: If he’s dodging all of your calls, not answering texts, blows you off, works abnormal hours to what you’re used to, does not introduce you to family, friends, and your relationship only exists in the parameters of your bedroom, yes he’s probably seeing other people. For one simple fact, if he wants to be with you, then he’ll make time for you. This also goes both ways, don’t play games when it comes to plans or communication. Game playing only goes so far when you’re seeking a relationship, be open but not an open book, and welcome spontaneity. I’M NOT SAYING BE THE MIDNIGHT BOOTY CALL, THAT’S NOT SPONTANEOUS NOR IS IT A RELATIONSHIP. HE IS NOT LEAVING HER JUST BECAUSE YOU GO OVER THERE AT 1 A.M. WHEN HIS GIRLFRIEND IS OUT OF TOWN. BY THE WAY, HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND!!!
– STALKING, REPEAT CALLING, ONE SIDED TEXT CONVERSATIONS = UNATTRACTIVE –
This is going to act like a beating you over the head with a mallet, figuratively, to get you to stop acting like a looney tune. Reverse these roles, imagine a guy is stalking your house at night. He won’t stop calling and sends you messages on all forms of media every day asking the same tired questions, “Are we really over?” “Why can’t you just talk to me?”. Sounds like grounds for a very well placed restraining order doesn’t it? In what way does it make it better if you do the very same thing in return? At what point does the madness of wanting “to talk” evolve into a game of hunting down the conversation? Repeat texting that look like a conversation you just had with yourself for the last week, stop that. Your call log looks like you made a thousand outgoing calls to just him, stop that. You find yourself constantly checking to see if he read your Facebook message, STOP THAT. Respect yourself enough to save your dignity and pride and accept that no real man treats a woman in such a way to cause a frenzy. Understand that your worth, what you have to offer, it comes with respect. With that respect comes with the understanding that should a bump occur in your relationship, it can be handled like adults. This means with conversation, real communication that occurs face to face. Resolving issues does not involve immaturity without a solution, it means you hash it out without emoticons, and you get through the problem. Obsessing your days with a person who won’t give you the time of day is undeserving of your heart and beneath your respect because they clearly have none of their own.
-ACKNOWLEGDING AN ASSHOLE WHEN YOU SEE ONE-
Aside from recognizing when your behavior has exceeded the bounds of a healthy, sane person, it is also just as important to recognize when the person you’re pursuing is an ass. When I say ass, I mean unapologetically could care less if he spoke to you in a day or a week. I think to avoid a run on sentence it’s probably just best I make a list:
- They don’t have a job, don’t plan on getting one, have no motivation
- If they do have income, never offer to treat you to anything, you find yourself paying for them often
- This person has not introduced you to their family within a comfortable time frame since the relationship began, we’ll say 3-6 months depending
- Overly secretive in a non-mysterious hot way, as in they never leave their phone alone, whispering in secret, texting mystery people constantly in front of you
- They have no regard to your time or time spent for them, exceedingly unappreciative and you’ve never seen them reciprocate this to you
- Never, ever saying thank you, for anything
- You only see them on their terms, especially if that’s only late at night
- They’re in a relationship with someone else
- They’re pursuing you while you’re in a relationship with someone else
- They lie, about everything, easily, like breathing
- Friending you on Facebook, following on Instagram, whatever, isn’t an option because they’re “private” and “never on it” – it’s total crap
- They live with their parents, not because their aspiring to build a chalet in the alps or even a modest home in the ‘burbs, because they can’t afford bills. (See No.1)
- Your relationship was built out of cheating, and now you worry they’re cheating on you, history has a way of repeating itself
- They do not respect you as a person
- No desire to meet your needs
- No desire to meet your friends or family
- You find yourself chasing after them each time to do anything, even a simple conversation
- If they’ve cheated on you, continue to do so, and you stick around. This is an open invitation to treat you like crap
- They’ve managed to alienate you from the outside world, yet somehow it’s okay for them to have a social life. How dare you call your best friend? GET OUT NOW
- Extreme jealousy
- They’ve threatened you, your family, the dog, and meant it. Or followed through with this threat and abused you. Verbal/Emotional abuse counts.
- They’ve stood you up, several times, without any explanation or with a bogus one, only to do it again.
- They’re “just not ready to commit right now, but who knows” STOP BELIEVING THIS FREAKING LIE, IT’S A DAMN LIE
- They hit on other people, in front of you, constantly
- If he treats his mother with complete disrespect, this is his first role model in his life that is female and he doesn’t respect her. SHE GAVE BIRTH TO HIM. How do you think he’s going to treat you?
I think I’ve made my point.
Ladies, please hold your heart and your respect to a standard and never sway when someone tries to make you feel less than. The only person in control of how you feel, is yourself, don’t put your feelings in someone else’s hands and then become surprised when they’ve mistreated your heart. Stop forgetting what you’re worth. No I obviously don’t mean in a monetary sense, if you’ve read through this whole thing and think I’m pro-prostitution you’re clearly an idiot. Being alone, building your strength in love starting with yourself, there is no shame in that. The person out there who is deserving of who you are, what you have to offer, will respect you and love you without all the bullshit that assholes bring to the table. In waiting, without the feeling of being jaded by all the ones who wronged you, you’ll find out why it was worth getting your heart broken once or twice maybe even a few times. Losing in what you thought was love only makes the real deal that much sweeter when it comes your way. So please, STOP THE CRAZINESS, and just start with creating the best version of yourself.